I've moved over to the green pastures of Wordpress, so if you'd like to continue reading Carniola, please make sure you use this address from now on: www.carniola.org

I'm looking forward to leaving all the commenting problems of Moveable Type behind, so please stop by and say zdravo. 

Also: If you're reading via feed, you'll need to update your subscription. You can choose from these two options:

http://www.carniola.org/feed/
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The good news is that the new feeds will allow you to see images, which is nice.

Hope to see you on the other side!

Faithfully yours,

Michael M. 

Dear Washington Post,

Hey there. It's me, Michael. I've been meaning to write to you for some time -- ever since I heard about your controversial coverage of Prime Minister Janez Janša's visit to the U.S. Your archives are a bit difficult to navigate; I could only find this rather tame article about the trip. Was that the one that originally called Slovenia a "Balkan" country?

To be fair, that idea isn't totally cuckoo-land crazy. Wikipedia notes that it's sometimes included in the region, and as you yourselves pointed out, the Encyclopedia Britannica, American Heritage Dictionary and Prince Charles have all done the same. I guess it's kind of like the whole Is Finland part of Scandinavia? deal. The vast majority of people either think Finland is in Scandinavia or they don't care; meanwhile, some locals froth at the mouth just hearing the question. A similar thing is at work with Slovenia and the Balkans.

Really, how could you have known that it would unleash a "wave" of protest letters, from Ohio, West Virginia, Sydney, Tornto, Montreal and Vancouver? Who would have suspected that one could touch such a raw nerve with geographical terminology? ('Tis revealing, though, that the Foreign Minister himself (when you asked him) said he "wasn't offended" but preferred "Central Europe.")

Either way, welcome to my world. Or better said: welcome to my e-mail inbox.

It took me a while to figure out how enraged some Slovenes can get about being lumped together with countries like Croatia, Bosnia and Serbia. I mean, now it's clear to me that those countries have nothing in common. But I guess it's the kind of thing you have to pick up by living here.

Best regards,

Michael 

Eagle-eyed crni recently posted this screenshot from the German film Lola rennt. (Run Lola Run) In the background you can see the fiercly-bearded Slovenian painter Rihard Jakopič, who graces the 100-tolar note.

The majority of people who saw the film undoubtedly didn't recognize it, and now that Slovenia has confirmed that it will adopt the euro next year, even less people will recognize it in the future. My children, for example, will probably have no idea what it is -- just as they won't have any clue about the two currencies (the dinar and the transitional tolar) that were in circulation here just 15 years ago. The Slovenian tolar had a short but great run, and in just four months, it will be a memory.

I think I'll miss Jakopič the most. 

Let's all give a warm Поздравляю (congratulations) to the Russian online news service Pravda, which recently conflated Slovakia and Slovenia in their story about Slovakia's parliamentary elections. Despite the fact that the story itself contains three iterations of Slovakia, they still slapped the Slovenian flag on it and headlined it under Slovenia. You can see the Pravda story, in all its folly, here.

For a much better look at the Slovak elections, you can always take a look at Lemuel's pre-election trilogy. And the many angry posts that followed it.

(Thanks Boštjan!) 

My computer never arrived; after two months of waiting for Godot, I got a full refund and went to Dobrovnik Media for a new one. Dobrovnik has now provided me with everything I need -- praise be upon him. Now I just need to re-learn how computers and blogging work.

At any rate, Carniola is back in full effect and will continue posting, effective immediately.  

UPDATE: I've called on the big guns, and they're suggesting that carniola make the move over to wordpress. This should fix the commenting bugs once and for all. Apologies in the meantime!

Also: it seems that my computer has been bouncing back and forth between Slovenia and Austria, ping-pong style. On the first occasion, I wasn't home so -- instead of leaving a note for me to come pick it up or something -- they sent it back to Austria. The second time, they got the address wrong and sent it back again. It's now apparently on its third trip here. We'll see if it makes it. 

Friends, Carniolans, Spammers, Nigerians looking for investment partners:

The rumors of my death have been kinda exaggerated and stuff. I'm still here, although computer-less. 

But in the few minutes now afforded to me, let me quickly put an end to some of the rumors that have been raging in the comments section: First, this blog is not dead. Think of it more as an an artificial coma. As soon as my keyboard returns to my trembling hands, Carniola will be up and running with a vengeance that will make the vengeance in 1981's "Deadly Vengeance" look like a mere "Forced Vengeance." My vengeance will be like "Scrotal Vengeance" and "Black Vengeance" put together, times a zillion. Except even more vengeful.

Second: I do not have a life.

Third: I can't believe how long it's taking my computer to get repaired, but I know that the customer service folks in Austria haven't even looked at it yet. My impatience is compounded by the fact that the repair is probably very simple. (The power button stopped working.) I feel reasonably sure that I could have cracked it open myself and fixed it, but that would cancel my warranty -- something I'm not keen on doing. So, I had to send it to Austria. Getting it there was an outrageous adventure in itself, culminating with a lousy trip to UPS Österreich, where I made the mistake of saying that I was from Slovenia. (I've never before seen smiles deflate so quickly, or people suddenly become so unwilling to help me.) It was depressing. I know I've complained about Slovenian customer service before, but at least I've never been treated like dirt for being a foreigner before. That's a whole new level of cruminess.

At any rate, I don't know when I'll be able to return. I'm hoping to be back in action by July. I'll try to post more details as soon as I know them.

Thanks to everyone for being patient and the kind words of encouragement.

Over and out,

Majkl

UPDATE: My computer is said to be fixed and on the way. However, the roads from Austria must be dangerous and fraught with peril (requiring expert guides and armed guards) because they shipped it 11 days ago and I'm still unplugged. Amazingly, they initially didn't even want to send it to Slovenia; they insisted on an Austrian address. This despite the fact that I bought it here, and despite the fact that I'm practically straddling the Austrian-Slovenian border. I'm roughly the same distance from their service center as Innsbruck. Now it's probably strapped to a mule, lost somewhere in the Alps. So much for ever-closer Union. (More updates as soon as I can)

UPDATE2: Amount of time it takes to drive from Wels, Austria to my home: 2-3 hours.
              Amount of time it's taking DHL to make the same journey: 20 days (and counting)

Carniola is going to sleep now for half a second, a second, a minute, a century. But I want everyone to know that I am still alive, that I have a golden manger inside my lips, that I am the little friend of the west wind, that I am the elephantine shadow of my own tears.

In other words: My computer is busted and has to be fixed. I'm not sure how long this will take. Luckily it's still under warranty. Customer service says they'll need 1 to 3 weeks. I think it will be sooner rather than later. As soon as I get it back, though, I need to do some serious fixes to this site. Among them:

1) A lot of people have been reporting problems with the comment filter. It obviously has to go. I'm thinking of switching to something like Doug & Claudia have at Halfway Down the Danube. I don't like the usual captcha solutions so much (I regularly have trouble decoding them) so theirs seems like a good compromise.

2) I need to update the about pages and fix some older, broken pages.

3) I need to clean out my ever-expanding backlog of unanswered e-mails and unfinished posts.

4) I need to get some sleep. Preferably the sleep of the apples.

So let it be written, so let it be done! (eventually)

See you all at dawn,

Michael

Slovenia's humiliation continues. For the third consecutive year, Slovenia was the only one of the former Yugoslav republics not to advance into the Eurovision finals. Isn't it time to call it quits, folks?

To be perfectly fair, Serbia & Montenegro also aren't in the finals this year, but only because they couldn't agree on a representative. They didn't even compete. Apparently, an all-Montenegrin judging panel wanted to send an all-Montenegrin boy band (instead of an all-Serbian band) to Athens. Only problem: The audience at the time was full of Serbs. Another problem: They had bottles, and no qualms about launching them onto the stage. (The BBC has video of the poor boy band fleeing the stage on this page.) Of course, it's also a very sensitive time for Serbs and Montenegrins right now, which obviously made things worse.

Anyway, the final is on Saturday. I'm really, really, really hoping that Finland wins.

Novala recently spotted Pumuckl, the wildly popular German cartoon character, on primetime Slovenian television. See him in action here.

Popular cartoon characters have also made apperances on local television stations. For example, I've noticed that quite a few local shows are hosted by the teenage mutant ninja turtles. (Only they're not ninjas. And they're not turtles.)

Also: Did you know that it's forbidden by law to name your child Pumuckl in Germany? It's true. The idea is to protect the child from ridicule. However, if you're born to parents who would even consider naming you Pumuckl, that's probably going to be the least of your problems. 

The mysterious title of this one makes it a keeper. Ja sam ranjen kao ptica means "I'm wounded like a bird." I'm not sure what that means. He doesn't look particularly wounded. And certainly not like a wounded bird. He does look fabuluous, though, in that suit. Awesome.

Novala kindly sent along this story from ORF, which has good news and bad news about marriages in Europe. The bad news is that nearly every second marriage ends in divorce. In 2004, 2.2 million people in the EU got hitched, and in that same time period a million people split up. The good news is that Slovenia wasn't as badly hit as other countries, because no one's bothering to get married here in the first place. Slovenia had just 3.3 marriages per 1000 inhabitants -- the lowest in the entire union. (Far behind pack leader Cyprus, which boasted 7.2 marriages per 1000 inhabitants.)

But what this also means is that many Slovenian couples are simply rejecting marriage in favor of... LIVING IN SIN. (click for special effect) Quite frankly, I don't blame them for LIVING IN SIN, because getting married is a costly affair that isn't really encouraged by the government. Financially, it's a mistake. For example, if you remain boyfriend & girlfriend and if you have kids, one of you can declare yourself as a single parent -- and enjoy the tax benefits that go along with that. Please note that you don't actually have to break up or anything. The boyfriend simply lists his official address somewhere else, but continues living with his girlfriend and family. Of course, you run the risk of getting caught defrauding the government, but think about how terribly hard it would be for them to prove it in court. You could always claim you were just visiting, or that they caught you in the middle of an ongoing reconciliation process. Besides, Slovenian courts are among the most log-jammed in Europe, to the point where they've even roused the wrath of Strasbourg.

In short, it would actually make good business sense for my wife and I to get, as the Germans say, a Schein-Scheidung (fake divorce). We'd save a ton. We won't, though, because we're sentimental dopes. And honest, too. (Unfortunately)

But it's also important to point out that, according to this page, when Slovenes actually do get together, they stay together. Slovenia's divorce rate is just 26% -- significantly lower than places like Austria (38%), Germany (41%), Canada (45%), the U.S. (49%) or Belarus (68%). As an immigrant to Slovenia, I'm honor-bound to keep that number low. You know how that one saying goes... 

(Thanks Novala!) 

The University of Kent has put up an online database of some 120,000 cartoons from the past 100 years. They're mostly from British papers, so you'll find tons of cartoons about Hitler and other local obsessions.

However, there are also quite a few cartoons tagged with Tito and Yugoslavia -- and a measly eight about Slovenia. (Mostly in relation to Yugoslavia)

Still, it's a fantastic resource. Well worth a visit.

(Via Metafilter)

Slovenia madea small but funny cameo on the second season of what-may-be-the-greatest-television-show-ever: The Sopranos. Tony Soprano, who is visiting mafia contacts in Italy, says:

"My uncle's problem is he went to the Russians in Brooklyn too much for the cars. Now, they kept the best stuff for themselves, shipped it off to St. Petersburg. Slovenia and Montenegro, they got people over there that profited from those conflicts, they got fucking bales of liquid cash. And you got contacts in the markets over there."

You can watch the clip by clicking play, or going here.

Slovenia: We've got fucking bales of liquid cash would've made a great tourist slogan, no? 

(Thanks Šmon!)