Natalija Verboten Archives

Slovenia’s massive summer hit: ObriÅ¡i sline. (Roughly: Wipe away your drool)

I’ve come back from Berlin and am settling in at home. I will write about my impressions of the almost-to-be Welthauptstadt Germania tomorrow. In the meantime, I leave you all to enjoy Slovenian singing miracle Natalija Verboten’s latest single. Unfortunately, YouTube doesn’t have a “loop endlessly” function, so you’ll have to manually press play an additional 50-100 times (depending on your tastes) when the video finishes.

It’s nice to be back.

A recent billboard: “Natalija’s are fake.” (source)

Anyone who lives here, or who’s been reading this blog for a while, knows that Slovenian billboards are in a league of their own: the no-holds-barred league. A recent campaign that caught my eye was the above billboard by leading gossip magazine Nova, which claimed that the Slovenian TV hostess with the mostest, Natalija Verboten, had fake ones. I kind of assumed this already, but I also assumed that they were going to unleash a pictorial of some kind. Like undercover photos from the surgery room or something. Instead, it turns out that they meant she likes fake furs. So… hmm. Ha, Ha.

Anyway, I also stumbled upon this wonderful site: MumboJumbo. It shows three current Slovenian billboard advertisements and invites people to comment on them. It’s a great idea and a good way of keeping track of the country’s often bizarre advertisements.

(Thanks Martinovanje!)

Na zdravje: The cleavage is there, but the spirit is missing.

As of tonight, heresy has a new name in Slovenia: Na zdravje. (Cheers) That’s the name of the new show that has replaced the country’s greatest contribution to television and the arts ever: Pri Jožovcu z Natalijo with Slovenian superstar Natalija Verboten.

I didn’t manage to post this morning because, like most of you, I spent the entire day vomiting in rage. I also screamed while I was vomiting but in retrospect that was kind of pointless because you couldn’t really make out what I was saying.

In truth, I didn’t manage to post because I was in Nova Gorica last night, got back late, and felt like a dead rat. Had, who has photographic evidence of the event, was there, which was nice.

But now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to resume self-flagellation combined with a bit more vomitous rage. God have mercy on Slovenia.

Verboten will eat the competition’s children this weekend. (via Sloreactor)

Act I; scene i — Michael’s workplace. Michael is sitting at his desk. The head of music programming enters.

Music Editor: Are you going to SRF (the Slovenian Radio Festival) for us on Friday?
Michael: I’d rather not.
Music Editor: Why not?
Michael: I’m still recovering from the humiliation of mispronouncing Leeloojamais on-air last year. Besides, I went the last two years. What if someone else goes this time?
Music Editor: Like who?
Michael: Like KaÄ?a. She’s much better at this stuff.

Act I; scene ii — Michael’s workplace. Michael is sitting at his desk. KaÄ?a enters.

KaÄ?a: Hey, man, thanks for "volunteering" me for SRF.
Michael: Ha, ha. Anytime, KaÄ?.
KaÄ?a: You know that Natalija Verboten is coming this year, right? I’ll probably interview her and get my picture taken with her and everything.
  [Michael’s reaction]

 So, yeah. The moral of this story, as Aesop figured out centuries ago, is never trust a kaÄ?a. (snake) If it wasn’t for her unforgivable trickery, this story would have a second act. A juicy one. Maybe something like this:

Act II; scene i — Michael, holding a microphone and sweating, interviews Natalija Verboten at SRF.

Michael: It’s a pleasure to meet you, Natalija.
Natalija Verboten: Likewise. Say, you want to meet up after the show and party?
Michael: Hmm. That sounds like a lot of fun, but I’m married and probably shouldn’t. I’m really flattered, though.
Verboten: Well, how about if we go to your place instead? Then maybe your wife and I could slip into something sexy and make out on the bed while you sit and watch, smiling the smilingest smile that has ever been smiled.
  [Michael’s reaction]

You know what? I’m going to punch KaÄ?a in the face the next time I see her.

Moving right along: There is a lot of Verboten-related action this weekend that I think I should quickly mention. First, she will perform at SRF tonight. She probably won’t win, but at least she’ll get her picture taken with KaÄ?a. At SRF, the smart money is on Omar Naber and Jan Plestenjak. They’ve each been nominated about 50 times, so I’m doing what gamblers call "playing the odds."

It gets a little bit trickier when it comes to predicting who will win the EMA on Sunday. The winner of EMA gets to represent Slovenia at the widely disparaged but always talked-about Eurovision Song Contest. The current favorites are Atomik Harmonik, SaÅ¡a Lendero, and Ms. Verboten. If it was up to me, of course, this would be a done deal. But I have a nagging feeling that SaÅ¡a will win it. We’ll see what happens.

Finally, to answer your question: Yes, it’s very sacreligious to talk about this stuff while Europe is gearing up to celebrate Mozart Day. And, yes, being burned to death would be a fair punishment for me. All I ask is that you tie KaÄ?a to the same stake as me, so that I can die in peace.

Natalija Verboten is number one on Slovenia’s first program.

According to a poll published by Delo yesterday, 77% of Slovenes said they would spend New Year’s Eve at home with their families. I was one of them. And like any good, red-blooded Slovene I sat and watched the first national program, where hostess Natalija Verboten rang in the new year wearing a dress made of (I think) a flock of emus. If you didn’t watch it, I’m not saying you’re necessarily a bad Slovene… I’m just saying you should be crucified.

In the meantime, Germany’s ZDF was broadcasting its own New Year’s Eve show featuring these familiar faces. It wasn’t by any means their first time on there, but still. A long time ago, I predicted they would do "extraordinarily well" but even I’m shocked by how right I was. Obviously, turbo-folk is the business to be in these days. That and fortune-telling.

I’d actually like to make some more predictions for 2006 (on the grounds that I’m "on a roll") but things are a bit busy, and most of you are probably too hungover to read, so I might as well cut things short. There might be a few more days of silence here, but I’ll return shortly.

Happy New Year.

"Michael Manske: Knockin’ em all down."

I attended an expat bowling tournament
in Ljubljana last night. I got back late and was absolutely out of
commission for most of today. My team got butchered,
finishing 21st out of 24.

I realized too late that our team captain, Carlos the Jackal,
was lying when he said he was a member of the Olympic bowling team of
Argentina. In truth, he was once the president of the Argentinian chapter of
the International Federation of Competitive Eating. It’s similar but still different. Apparently, he still holds the national record there for chinchulines consumption.

However, I did manage to achieve one dream of mine: To get on the cover of Slovenian gossip magazine Nova.
Alongside Slovenian singing legend Natalija Verboten, no less. (Bottom
left) It almost feels like my work in Slovenia is almost done.

Have a nice weekend! 

An interview with Natalija Verboten in TV VeÄ?er.

Buxom Slovenian superstar Natalija Verboten recently sat down for a veliki intervju (big interview) in the local TV guide. The interview wasn’t particularly exciting, and definitely not very veliki, but when I flipped the page I saw this masterfully placed advertisement.

If that doesn’t win at tonight’s Golden Drum advertising competition in Portorož, then something is dreadfully wrong with this world.

(Thanks Ksenija!) 

Nocoj bom ostala = Tonight I will stay.

Considering all the Yugoslav Album Covers
I’ve posted to this site, it would be professionally remiss of me to
ignore this Slovenian gem. Especially since it boasts a young Natalija Verboten, who is captured here for posterity before her transformation into national sex symbol and icon. She’s come a long way, baby.

Slovenia: Land of Mountains — A Natalija Verboten Euro coin proposal.

The Republic of Slovenia is currently on track to adopt the Euro by 2007. So unless the EU collapses by that time, the government will soon need to unveil its own unique Euro coin design. I’m confident that they’ll do a good job; their past record is solid… copper-alloy solid. (I’m not being sarcastic here, I really mean it.) The country’s current coins are a bit minimal but neat, showcasing a variety of local wildlife. These bi-metal coins, meanwhile, offer a possible hint of what may come. And if you browse though this list of commemorative coins, you’ll notice that there is a consistent level of taste and style. (For example, I quite like this Chess Olympiad one, or for something more modern: this.)

In short, there’s no way that Slovenia will produce anything as ugly as Belgium or the Netherlands did. The question is: What will they do? And will they top fellow newcomer Estonia, which already held a design competition and picked a winner?

What do you think will be on Slovenia’s euro coins?

An autographed postcard by Slovenian singing sensation, Natalija Verboten.

Scene: It is the distant future. A tour guide is leading people through the famous Carniola Muzej, a museum dedicated entirely to the legendary blog, The Glory of Carniola.

———————————————

Tour Guide: "Okay, if you’ll just follow me into the next room. Here we have some nice pieces you might recognize. Up here on the left is the original autographed postcard by Natalija Verboten from post #345, which premiered on March 21, 2005. Most of you probably remember it. This was during the height of Michael M.’s so-called "Verboten period" which lasted from 2003-2010. As you can see, the postcard says: Michaelu v spomin od ♥, Natalija. ("To Michael, with memories of love, Natalija") Scholars disagree about the significance of this. Some think it’s a generic and meaningless phrase, like the kind you would find in a high-school yearbook. They also point out that Michael only got this because of his friend and colleague Andrej, whose best-selling autobiography: Moja noga boli od vseh riti, ki sem jih moral do sedaj zbrcat, (My Foot Hurts From All the Ass I’ve Had to Kick So Far) specifically mentions that Natalija had no idea who Michael was when she signed it. However, other scholars see the signature as revealing a very deep, possibly metaphysical, connection between M. and Verboten. They base this on the–"

Little Girl: "Dad, what are you talking about?"

Tour Guide: "–sheer size of the heart. It’s definitely a very big heart. I don’t think that can be denied. And we can also–"

Little Girl: "Dad!!"

Tour Guide: "–see by her choice of words that she really, deeply –"

Little Girl: "DAD!!!"

Tour Guide: "What is it, sweetie?"

Little Girl: "What are you talking about?"

Tour Guide: "What do you mean?"

Little Girl: "What is this? What’s all this stuff on the walls? Does this have something to do with your stupid web site?"

Tour Guide: "It’s called a blog, honey. Remember? How many times does Daddy have to tell you?"

Little Girl: "Whatever. I’m taking this stuff down."

Tour Guide: "Hey! Hey — careful with that– Hey! Don’t– Okay, that’s it, missy! Go to your room!"

Little Girl: "This IS my room!!"

Tour Guide: "—"

Little Girl: "And you totally wrecked it!"

Tour Guide: "Ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave now so we can finish the tour."

Little Girl: "What tour? I’m the only one here!"

Tour Guide: "Ma’am, I’m afraid I’ll have to call security now."

Little Girl: "You mean Mom?"

Tour Guide: "That’s affirmative."

Little Girl: "She’s not here. And she’s going to be really angry when she sees what you did to the living room."

Tour Guide: "Hmm. Where did she go?"

Little Girl: "She went out to get some groceries."

Tour Guide: "Did you tell her to bring back some baklava?"

Little Girl: "Yeah."

Tour Guide: "Great!"