Archives for July, 2007

Please note the expression of the blonde on the left. (Full size original)

I was recently in Graz playing around with some Garmin navigators, and when I searched its restaurant directory I noticed that there was an “American” category. I was curious what that would include and laughed heartily when the first result to pop up was Hooters.

For most people the place needs no introduction. Some Slovenes may not know it (the country doesn’t have one yet) in which case it’s essential that you brush up with the aid of Črni’s definitive guide. In short, it could easily be the most undignified place to eat a meal on the planet. Even worse than Arby’s.

You know how cars have odometers? You know how you can push a button and the distance you’ve traveled resets to zero? Well, that’s what happens to your dignity when you eat at Hooters. All your achievements, accomplishments, hopes and pride are instantly rolled back to zero the minute you hear the words “Welcome to Hooters.”

Needless to say, I’m planning on taking a Slovenian friend of mine there in the immediate future. He’s got a bit too much dignity for my tastes, and I have next to none, so we’re good and ready to go.

But to be honest, I’m just interested in the buffalo wings — which is, of course, what every guy who goes to Hooters says. The difference is that I’m the first guy in the history of homo sapiens sapiens to actually mean it. See, I love buffalo wings, and have been denied them for years now. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and nothing’s more desperate than going to Hooters to eat a meal.

I suppose I’m also indebted to Hooters Graz because of the wonderful laugh their official site gave me. Just look at this picture they posted of a happy girl whose gentleman boyfriend took her to Hooters. Her expression sums everything up so perfectly that it hurts.

Hooters here I come!