Archives for May 17th, 2007

Wet hair: Delicious but deadly. (source)

People often assume that it was a tremendous culture shock for me to move to Slovenia. But it wasn’t really. Some things may have taken some time getting used to, but at this point I’ve made my peace with the country’s idiosyncrasies. Some of them (like the café culture) I can’t imagine giving up. Others (like the hostile customer service) I’m not so thrilled about. But I’ve accepted things as they are — with the exception of one thing: The goddamn fear of the cold.

I just can’t accept it. It drives me nuts. I can’t believe how many people are terrified of the cold, or drafts from open windows, or wet hair. The false idea that cold causes colds is fairly widespread everywhere, but here it’s almost like orthodoxy. I suspect (and am not alone) that this idea is particularly virulent in Eastern Europe and the Balkans, to the frustration and amusement of outsiders. I suppose every region of Earth has its own superstitious ideas. Like fan death in Korea, intelligent design in the United States, eating-horse-penis-is-good-for-virility in China, and (possibly the worst one, if true) sex with virgins cures AIDS in South Africa and Zimbabwe.

Here Comes the Science!

Let’s forget about all that and turn our attention back to colds, though. In an experiment conducted in 1958, and later published in the American Journal of Hygiene: (emphasis mine)

“More than 400 volunteers were exposed to viruses that cause colds. Some were exposed to very cold temperatures while wearing heavy coats, some to 60 degree temperatures while wearing underwear, and some to a very warm 80 degrees. All had the same rate of infection. This shows that the crucial factor that determines whether you get a cold is being exposed to the virus that causes the cold.”

Ten years later, another definitive study (published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine) drove the point home: (again my emphasis)

“Inmates at a Texas prison had the cold virus placed directly into their noses. At varying times after their exposure to the viruses, they were exposed to extreme temperatures, with varying amounts of clothing. Being cold or warm, being dressed, or undressed, and having wet hair or dry hair had no effect on their infection rate.”

Now, you may vaguely remember reading about another study that showed the opposite. And you’re right. In 2005, two clowns at the University of Good Learnin’ in Cardiff caused a media frenzy when they announced that students who had their feet chilled were much more likely to get a cold than those who didn’t. The media took it and ran. It was on CNN and everywhere else, and the head of the center solemnly told the BBC that girls who expose their midriffs in cold weather were “asking for trouble.” Only NPR kept its wits about itself and questioned the study. As Dr. Ronald Turner of the University of Virginia told them:

“The researchers didn’t check to see if a virus was ever present. They measured symptoms… They didn’t do any virology, so that study has nothing to do with becoming infected.”

To put it another way, it was junk. You might as well show two groups of people two different episodes of The Mattel and Mars Bar Quick Energy Chocobot Hour and then see who develops a cold and who doesn’t.

But, of course, all these studies and figures and even my own experience of regularly running around outside with wet hair or sitting on cold floors and not developing Super AIDS doesn’t help anything. People continue to believe that it’s dangerous regardless of what anyone says. That’s just the way we roll. But it also means that conflict is inevitable.

Waterloo, I was defeated you won the war

My wife and I had major arguments about this subject for a long time. It’s clear that she intellectually accepts the idea of viruses causing colds instead of, say, “wearing short sleeves,” but she was so firmly raised to believe it that I don’t think she can let go of it emotionally.

So, as you can imagine, we just kept butting heads about it over and over again. Our daughter would say something like: “Can I take off my third jacket, Mommy, it’s the middle of summer” and all hell would break loose.

After the quintillionth argument, we finally agreed to seek outside arbitration. We settled on our family pediatrician and decided that we would both accept her final verdict without dispute. Forever hold your peace, etc.. Of course, I only agreed to this because I was sure that the doctor would side with me… But I was wrong. To my genuine surprise, the doctor declared that being physically cold encourages colds. It was the single biggest defeat of my arguing career. It was a Waterloo, Cannae, Little Big Horn, and Duo Platin concert wrapped up together into one gigantic fireball of a catastrophe. Afterwards I had to buy a replacement jaw, because my original one broke on the floor of her office. I had been destroyed.

The Aftermath

Being a gentleman, I temporarily stuck to our agreement and even tried, half-heartedly, to get into the spirit of things. I was like: “Son, listen, you need to put on some wool socks because, uh, otherwise the wind will blow on your feet and stuff and, uh, you’ll catch the ebola virus and your inner organs will liquefy… So put ‘em on!”

But that’s the problem with living: You can’t un-know things. If I could, I would. I’d gladly erase everything I know about the subject. Life would certainly be easier. But I can’t. I can’t. So it’s back to hostilities. No justice, no peace.

Into the breech!