Archives for April 3rd, 2007

A typical Slovenian woman.

JS forwarded along these facts about Slovenes, some of which struck me as remarkably astute. (Especially 7, 9, 10 and 23) They seem to be written from the perspective of second-generation Slovenian immigrants, presumably in the U.S. (The big clue being the use of Fahrenheit in number ten.)

Here they are:

1. Slivovica cures everything from a stomachache to paper cuts.

2. You are well acquainted with “sarma” (cabbage rolls)

3. You eat everything with “ajvar” (eggplant spread)

4. Your profanity consists of Croatian and Serbian phrases because Slovenija is too pure to have swear words.

5. There is nothing gross about blood sausages (krvavice).

6. Drinking with your parents is normal.

7. Your relatives, especially in Slovenija, do not believe in opening the car windows on a sweltering hot day because of “prepih” (drafts).

8. When outside of Slovenia, you fight an irresistible urge to kiss the person you’ve just shaken hands with.

9. You’re not allowed to leave the house with damp hair because you’re going to become bolan(a) (sick).

10. You have to wear copate (slippers) around the house, even if you have carpeting and it is 95 degrees outside.

11. Your family makes their own vino, medica, or Slivovica.

12. You never got to sleep in on Saturday because you had Slovenska Sola (Slovenian School)

13. Mami is always making you eat.

14. You know how to dance polka and you’re proud of it.

15. Someone in your family can play buttonbox or accordion and is always bothering you to learn.

16. You’ll still drink Cockta to please your family in Slovenija even though it makes you sick to your stomach (their version of Coca-Cola)

17. English verbs are acceptable if used with the ending “-ati”, which makes them Slovenian: “play-ati”, “study-ati”, “clean-ati”, or the best one “walk-ati” - pronounced: vakati!

18. At the age of 13 you are only allowed to go out of town with your friends for folklore festivals, drinking binges, and dances.

19. Your parents were at the party where you first got drunk and maybe even offered you a drink.

20. Then they waited until the ride home to beat the crap out of you for getting drunk and embarrassing them.

21. The majority of your friends are also your relatives, even if they aren’t your relatives; because you refer to their parents as “teta” and “stric“. (aunt and uncle)

21. “Kuhovnice” (wooden spoons) are not only used for stirring when cooking… they are also used by mami to beat you when there is no “Siba” (stick) handy..

22. At least once you’ve told your parents that you’ll call the police to report “child abuse” and your parents said “Ja! Samo probaj…” (just try!)

23. Lunch on Sundays has more courses than Amerikanci have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner.

24. Your 13 year old sister can out-drink any Amerikan’c or Irishman.

25. You love “Golaz”, (beef stew) but don’t like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you’d be embarrassed if someone asked you what it was.

26. Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand.

27. All other action stops when you hear people speaking Croatian or Serbian somewhere.

28. You smell garlic or alcohol on the old man’s breath behind you sitting on the pew in church on Sunday mornings.

29. You never got the “Birds and the Bees” talk from mami or ati when growing up.

30. You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland for a minimum of 4 weeks.

31. Your relatives alone can populate a small city.

32. You’ve worked in the “Stale” (barn) at your relatives house in Slovenia and the cow smell didn’t even bother you.

33. (left blank)

34. You think mixing Coke and red wine (bambus) is an extremely tasty drink.

35. You’re still laughing your ritka off because you know every single one of these are true.