Archives for November 27th, 2006

My new stash: Note that the Oreos have “eating instructions.”

Over the weekend I celebrated Thanksgiving with about 15 other Americans from all over Styria. Although Thanksgiving is probably the most Slovenian of holidays, in that it’s a celebration of gustation, it also felt really, really odd. To be surrounded by Americans, eating American food, talking about America… in the foothills of the Alps; there was something pretty surreal about that. There’s also the fact that the holiday essentially celebrates Europeans who successfully fled Europe. I think that alone gave me pause.

Still, I’m not complaining. In fact I had a great time. A blast, even. And to top things off: one family brought me a package of American junk food that they had picked up in Germany. Talk about a bountiful harvest…

While looking through my newly begotten treasure, I also had a flash of inspiration: although none of these things can be bought here, I bet I could easily make similar-tasting knock-offs. For example:

1) Macaroni and cheese: The simplest to do, since both ingredients are readily available: pasta and artificial cheese. They only need to be mixed up.

2) Reese’s cups: Also easy, and also comprised of two elements that can be bought here: chocolate and peanut butter. (It’s strange that they sell the latter here, since I don’t think I’ve ever met a Slovene who eats it — or even knows what it tastes like.)

3) Pop tarts: A bit tricky but doable. They already make somewhat similar pastries here. One would just have to buy it, let it go stale, and then eat it.

4) Oreos: The most difficult to do. I would need access to chocolate cookie crust and, to make the creamy center, some radioactive material from the Krško nuclear power facility. Theoretically possible, but still hard to do.

I should add that it was interesting that some of the other Americans also had extensive networks and supply lines set up for their favorite products. That made me feel slightly less crazy. But what I don’t get is why someone isn’t profiting from this common weakness. There must be upwards of a million Americans living in Europe, all of them longing for something sugary and/or fatty from back home. And yet no one has stepped in to fleece us all?

It’s un-American is what that is.