Archives for November, 2006

Camouflage Bras: Coming soon to top military members?

Brian sent me this great headline from the government publication Slovenia News:

“President Awards Top Military Bras for Role in Independence War”

The story doesn’t specify what kind of bras they will get: a women’s tactical army brown bra or, as Brian suggests, one of those Madonna things with the cones. Either way it’s a good deal.

(Thanks Brian!)

Night over Jesenice, by Matija. Used with permission. (source)

Matija has been quietly posting a photo a day on his blog here. I’ve been following it for a while and there’s some great stuff coming down the pipeline. I guess I like the commitment of it (see also: Matt Haughey’s monumental Ten Years of My Life) as well as the quality of the stuff so far.

I also admit to having a soft spot for insects, which is why I especially loved Matija’s The Vintager and Guests at a Dinner Party.

But it’s all good.

Good Lord, it really happened. (source)

Well, folks, here it is. Anouk, a leading member of Englistika and a recovering Dutchoholic, has stumbled upon the Holy Grail of mix-ups: a Dutch site that thinks Slovenia is Sierra Leone.

I don’t think this can be topped. I’m kind of impressed, in a way.

Presumably the problem was caused by similar country codes: Sierra Leone is SL, Slovenia is SI.

(Thanks to Anouk and Grega at Englistika!)

My new stash: Note that the Oreos have “eating instructions.”

Over the weekend I celebrated Thanksgiving with about 15 other Americans from all over Styria. Although Thanksgiving is probably the most Slovenian of holidays, in that it’s a celebration of gustation, it also felt really, really odd. To be surrounded by Americans, eating American food, talking about America… in the foothills of the Alps; there was something pretty surreal about that. There’s also the fact that the holiday essentially celebrates Europeans who successfully fled Europe. I think that alone gave me pause.

Still, I’m not complaining. In fact I had a great time. A blast, even. And to top things off: one family brought me a package of American junk food that they had picked up in Germany. Talk about a bountiful harvest…

While looking through my newly begotten treasure, I also had a flash of inspiration: although none of these things can be bought here, I bet I could easily make similar-tasting knock-offs. For example:

1) Macaroni and cheese: The simplest to do, since both ingredients are readily available: pasta and artificial cheese. They only need to be mixed up.

2) Reese’s cups: Also easy, and also comprised of two elements that can be bought here: chocolate and peanut butter. (It’s strange that they sell the latter here, since I don’t think I’ve ever met a Slovene who eats it — or even knows what it tastes like.)

3) Pop tarts: A bit tricky but doable. They already make somewhat similar pastries here. One would just have to buy it, let it go stale, and then eat it.

4) Oreos: The most difficult to do. I would need access to chocolate cookie crust and, to make the creamy center, some radioactive material from the Krško nuclear power facility. Theoretically possible, but still hard to do.

I should add that it was interesting that some of the other Americans also had extensive networks and supply lines set up for their favorite products. That made me feel slightly less crazy. But what I don’t get is why someone isn’t profiting from this common weakness. There must be upwards of a million Americans living in Europe, all of them longing for something sugary and/or fatty from back home. And yet no one has stepped in to fleece us all?

It’s un-American is what that is.

Lyrics: Angry Granny. Music: Dino Dvornik. Video: Alen, alias mraak.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away in Croatia, someone picked up the phone and called a little old lady. Instead of saying something the caller stayed quiet. But the little old lady was no friend of silence, so she unleashed a torrent of abuse at her mute interlocutor as fearsome as an avalanche. Her finely woven tapestry of obscenity was secretly recorded, and it spread through the lands of the south Slavs, inspiring awe wherever it went.

You can listen to the original recording here: Baba na telefonu. (Grandma on the phone)

Reader rox kindly provided an English translation of her scurrilous soliloquy here:

“Hello? God fucked your mother, whoever you are, on this day. God fucked your mother, whoever you are. Your mother’s cunt, that pushed you out; watch out, the police are going to come for you. You just watch out. Don’t play with your life, God fucked your mother. I’ll send the police to you, you shitty turd.

“Hello? Who’s being quiet? God fucked his mother on this day. The devil fucked his father and mother, gracefully, his mother’s cunt, which pushed him out… damned turd. I’ll find out who’s ringing, but you’ll get fucked. I tell you honestly, I’ll send the police to you, your mother’s obnoxious cunt. Don’t let me come for you, you’ll fuck your own mother. So now you know. You damned old queer, the devil fucked your gypsy mother. Obnoxious. You shitty turd.”

Inevitably, a Croatian DJ (Dino Dvornik) set these lascivious lyrics to music. And now Alen has given the music and lyrics what they urgently needed: Clint Eastwood et al. (See video above, or click here.) It’s seriously wonderful.

(Big thanks to rox and Alen!)

Slovenia’s flag, according to parody site Uncyclopedia. (source)

Uncyclopedia is a parody of Wikipedia that grew out of this page of bad jokes and deleted nonsense.

Here is their entry for Slovenia.

(Thanks to KaÄ?a, Klemen and Matej!)

A Slovenian army recruitment video.

I’m not sure why this video is in English. I’m guessing it’s for NATO conferences and what-not.

Either way, the American army recruitment video is much better.

Slovenian teenage hockey sensation Anže Kopitar. (source)

Legend-in-the-making Anže Kopitar is still wowing fans in the U.S., to the point where radio shows are signing songs in his praise. Well, one show is.

The Adam Carolla show, which drew some fire for its profoundly unfunny “ching chong” sketch, recently devoted some time to remaking the Rolling Stones song Angie into a gushing paean to Kopitar.

You can listen here: Anže (sung to the tune of Angie)

(Thanks Miha!)

“A woman also drinks when she’s divorcing.”

I don’t know if this one can be topped. It all comes together so perfectly: crazy title, toothy expression, the implications of absolute misery. It’s solid gold.

(Thanks Mark!)

12-year-old Denis from Murska Sobota is wicked good with the ball.

Part 2, the Revenge

(Thanks bnf!)