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I wish a time machine could take me back to London, 1989.
Number of restaurants in London: 6,128
Number of Taco Bells: 0
I’m in London this week. Yes, London.
Whereas other people travel to the EU’s biggest city to enjoy its metropolitan atmosphere and cultural opportunities, I was just hoping to satisfy my vulgar American urges for junk food, especially the diarrhealicious Taco Bell, which I haven’t had in half a decade now.
From what I’ve gathered from many disappointed ex-pats, the Taco Bells of the U.K. were all flushed away a few years ago. Some sprouted up in other parts of Europe, but none of them have ever managed to get a lasting foothold.
The official Taco Bell page mentions that they have 278 feed stations abroad, including an unspecified number in “Europe” — but this is misleading. The only Taco Bells in Europe are on U.S. military bases. In other words, Kosovo boasts at least one thing that cannot be found in London, Paris, Berlin, Rome or any of the other European capitals. Funny that.
But nevermind that because it’s all nonsense now. This will be my first trip to London, and I’m eager to see what it’s like and how it is. I’ll be back by the end of this week and can perhaps say something then.
Until then,
I remain most faithfully yours,
Michael M.
Comments
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When I was in Dublin there were no Taco Bells there either! There was a Mexican restaraunt that kept such wierd hours I never had a chance to eat there and see if they were any good, supposedly there is a Mexican restaraunt called ‘La Tejanita’ in Sarajevo, but I was never there, it opened up after my last visit.
I can’t believe this is your FIRST trip to London! When you’re done stuffing your face with fast food make sure to do some culture-vulturing too. If you’re into modern art and museums that have a distinctive shopping mall feel don’t miss the Tate Modern.
From my point of view London is complete shit. Anyhow you will read this when you are back, so it won’t bother you.
Second thing is that I don’t understand why people still go and visit such places, that are so kitch and “deverginised” my billions of tourists. Myself I rather keep it a step in front of the mass tourism. For instance places like: albania, white russia, nicaragua… Or even places that tourism will never even come close like for example Flensburg or the West Frisian Islands in the Netherlands.
Who needs Taco Bell when you have S&M Cafe? I would kill a newborn baby for a portion of their delish pork and thyme sausage with mash and red wine gravy.
Well, if you want a really bizzare experience in London, try this one: Apparently there is a small hotel in the vicinity of Picadilly Circus that is run by Montenegrians and is surprisingly cheap. What’s even more suprising about it are regular fire drills in the middle of the night, when guest usually run out wearing next to nothing, frightened as hell… Then the manager comes out, assures them that is was just a drill. However during the drill personal items (such as money, credit cards and passoprts) have been known to disappear from guests’ rooms, with most not noticing until it was too late… Or so the story goes
Having been to London for a weekend in April myself, I really hope you’ll like it there. Seeing as I was there to work (ie. play a gig in Camden) I didn’t get to do the tourist thing as much as I’d hoped to. Camden is nice when you’re into the alternative scene. In that case, Camden Lock would be the ticket. I usually am adverse to this type of metropolis (L.A. sucks in my opinion) but I found London to be most pleasant. Just wish I had more time to see sights and visit museums. I’m definitely returning there next year! Hope you enjoy your stay!
MM: “I was just hoping to satisfy my vulgar American urges for junk food”
After watching ‘Super Size Me’ (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Size_Me) movie some days ago I thought nobody cares for junk food any more
Don’t worry Michael, you’re not missing much. Even if there *were* a Taco Bell here in England, like all the rest of the food it would probably be awful.
Last year I was running sort of late for a lab, and had to get a very quick lunch, so I went to McDonald’s. Tried to order a salad. The guy at the till had no idea what to give me and decided to call the manager - who, after some deliberation, decided that they did in fact have salads, and got one for me. (All the while the queue behind me grew longer and longer …)
Now I was sort of suspicious about the freshness of said salad - but it seemed fresh enough, surprisingly. Of course it was much much worse than the salads in Slovene McDonald’s - and not only the core ingredients, but the dressing was extremely sour and I suspect that it was merely vinegar with some sort of thickener mixed in.
I suppose salads aren’t exactly the type of fast food you’d want in Taco Bell - but be assured that the British have amazing talent for destroying anything good when it comes to any sort of food. It’s almost uncanny.
you don’t have to go too too far, there’s one at aviano. so all you need to do is make nice with someone in the airforce
Nice homage to The Clash!
Finally someone is standing up for Taco Bell. Preach on brother !!! May you enjoy the hotsauce on the way in and out !
Taco Bell hotsauce isn’t much hotter than hot ajvar, but it doesn’t! Only hot ajvar is allowed to be a lie! My son Ivan the Terrible once on a school trip, put several packets of Taco Bell hot sauce in a glass and drank them down, and said ‘Hot my @$&! this is just like tomato juice’ Meanwhile his classmates, even the Mexican ones were like ‘That stuff HURTS!’
@ Majkl, why is an Inca in the banner? I thought this blog was about Carniola not Cusco!
@Katja:are you fuckin’ kidding me? Do you have any idea who that guy is? He is the second sickest fuck of a president after G.W.BUsh. The positive thing is that he is a sort of a crazy hippy and wouldn’t kill a fly, is vegan an maybe did some urine-therapy. Keej guess it’s enough hints
@mAT: I guess “sick” was meant literally in this case?
While dear old Janez D. is quite possibly gravely ill and that has probably affected his brain he at least has a brain as opposed to Dubya… 
Ah, you should have gone to Dublin. Much better (and smaller) city IMO
“diarrhealicious”.
A most necesary word to add to one’s lexicon. Thank you, Michael.
Matej,
Nice comment; you’re obviously a keen observer of English culture and food and cuisine in general. What would the Ljubljana McDonalds reveal about Slovenian culture? Any insight?
Is it true, that our dear Lojze is also really sick? I remember him coming to Nabrežina in the osmica drinking wine and singing. I mean Lojze Petrle.
@Paul: “What would the Ljubljana McDonalds reveal about Slovenian culture? Any insight?”
No, I live in Maribor
Bit honestly: I think fast food doesn’t do any good, neither in US, GB nor in Slovenia.
Talking about junk food and not mentioning my beautiful gift for your birthday…
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@Katja:are you fuckin’ kidding me? Do you have any idea who that guy is? He is the second sickest fuck of a president after G.W.BUsh. The positive thing is that he is a sort of a crazy hippy and wouldn’t kill a fly, is vegan an maybe did some urine-therapy. Keej guess it’s enough hints
Posted by mAT on October 10, 2006
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mAT, I had NO idea it was him!
Although I must admit the headwear gets wierder all the time, the green leafy hat a couple weeks back. At least he’s not bombing anyone we know of! So he’s a peaceful sort of sick fuck!
So long as he doesn’t join Shiva’s Army we are all cool!