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Above: Four Slovenian cows grazing in a field. (source)
Here’s a real-life Halloween story for you: Slovenia has ghost cows.
The country also has other phantom animals, but first and foremost ghost cows. And, just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about blurry old stupid fake ghosts, like the ones you see on the internets. I’m talking about internationally recognized ghosts, confirmed by reputable sources like the European Union and the UK’s newspaper of record, the The London Times. In fact, here’s what a recent Times story had to say about the spooky situation:
“[EU] Inspectors found that half the cattle that Slovene farmers said they owned, so qualifying them for special EU cow and beef grants, did not exist. A quarter of their sheep and goats were equally invisible.”
In other words, the whole country is haunted!!! If I was a member of the Slovenian government, I would immediately apply for 55 million euros in EU “ghostbusting funds” to deal with this. I’d also work to set up a multi-million euro “containment unit” in Ljubljana — fully funded by Brussels, of course — to store all the captured phantom livestock.
Seriously, though, I’m quite proud of Slovenian farmers. The way the system is set up, you’d be an idiot NOT to try something like this. As the Times story makes clear, two out of three EU regional projects that were audited contained “material errors.” Last year, Poland’s government simply gave a “warning” to people who “did not apply good farming practices” instead of, say, fining them. And it’s happening everywhere.
In short, the EU is quite probably the world’s largest gravy train — Slovenes should be making as much effort as everyone else to get on board this before it dries out.
Links:
–> New Europeans use imaginary cattle to milk EU subsidies (The Times)
–> Slowenien erschwindelte EU-Gelder mit Geisterkühen (German magazine Spiegel)
(Thanks Damir!)
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XAXA! I think it would be funny to have someone come exorcize the ghost cows!
You got that right Michael… In our village and surroundings there are soooo many sheeps… Well, at least there should be… but, truth is, majority of them are ghost ones… (some people “have” them just to get a peasant status, and i guess that qualifes them for some benefits).
For years now I’ve been ranting that being a Slovene farmer is the most profitable profession this side of the Alps. In spring they get money from the government because frost supposedly killed most of the produce. In summer they get money because drought killed the wheat fields. In autumn they get money because floods washed away what was left from spring and autumn disasters. And in winter they get money because the government has to buy all the overpriced produce they can’t sell on the market (although there should be none left).
And now they get money for cattle that doesn’t exist!!! Hell, I’m the wrong business!!!!!
all hat and no cattle?:
Here www.arsktrp.gov.si you can read 2 official statements (slovenian) about this story.
I. “Navodilo v angleÅ¡kem jeziku za izpolnjevaje dela poroÄ?ila, o katerem so slovenski mediji tako veliko poroÄ?ali se glasi: »Reductions and exclusions applied following on-the spot checks are to be reported. If a farmer has been subject to an on the spot check, all anomalies leading to reductions (incl. Those which have been evidenced during an administrative check) are to be reported under the heading D2-on-the spot checks.« Na ARSKTRP so to navodilo razumeli: “PoroÄ?ati je treba o znižanjih in izkljuÄ?itvah, ki se uporabijo po izvedenih kontrolah na kraju samem. ÄŒe je pri kmetu opravljena kontrola na kraju samem, je treba o vseh nepravilnostih, ki so povzroÄ?ile znižanja (vkljuÄ?no s tistimi, ki so bile evidentirane med administrativno kontrolo), poroÄ?ati pod poglavjem D-2 – kontrole na kraju samem.” Ker so bila v navodilu omenjena znižanja, je to agencija razumela, da je potrebno poroÄ?ati o vseh živalih, pri katerih je bil zaradi sankcij znižan znesek. Torej je agencija v skladu z razumevanjem navodil glede na zgoraj omenjeni primer poroÄ?ala o »sedemindvajsetih živalih«, ki jim je bila odstotkovno znižana premija in o »treh izkljuÄ?enih«, ki niso bile upraviÄ?ene do premije. Po usklajevanju z Evropsko komisijo junija in julija 2006 pa je agencija na podlagi dodatnih pojasnil, na osnovi katerih je bilo jasno, da je potrebno poroÄ?ati o Å¡tevilu živali, za katere so bile ugotovljene napake (v podanem primeru za tri živali in ne sedemindvajset), 17. 7. 2006 na Komisijo poslala popravljene podatke.”
II. “Potrebno je poudariti, da pri tolmaÄ?enju navedenih ugotovitev nikakor ne gre za neupraviÄ?ena izplaÄ?ila, saj so bile nepravilnosti ugotovljene Å¡e pred izdajo odloÄ?be in je bilo izplaÄ?ilo v tem delu, v skladu s pravili Skupnosti, zavrnjeno. V nobenem primeru torej ne gre za kakrÅ¡nokoli neupraviÄ?eno izplaÄ?evanje sredstev iz proraÄ?unov Republike Slovenije ali Evropske skupnosti.”
It seems that the story is a lame duck (at least the SPIEGEL article)
Good to know thath the Emperor’s New Clothes are made with the wool from Slovenia’s ghost sheep.
Does this illusionary livestock also apply to the new EU representatives? Something like the famous elected officials in Philadelphia and Chicago? There in body, though 6 feet underground? Or is a pulse still a prerequisite for election?
I have heard that this might be the most blatant case of Slovenia / Slovakia mixup ever. But we will see.
crni, that would make this the atomic bomb of all mix ups.
I think I’d actually be sad if it’s not true.
Slovenian Press Agency: EU Audit Report Suggest Slovenia Has Problem with Animal Premiums