Archives for October 26th, 2006

Croatian soccer fans are known for their delicate sensibilities.

In what be the most ridiculous story of the year, the Association of Croatian Societies in Slovenia is suing two Slovenian cable operators because they blocked Croatian TV broadcasts of the World Cup this summer. Got that? No? Okay, don’t worry. Let’s break this down together. From the beginning:

1) Slovenia’s two big TV kahunas, Pro Plus and RTV Slovenija, secured the right to broadcast World Cup matches in Slovenia.

2) They ask cable operators UPC Telemach and Ljubljanski kabel to “black out” Croatian TV transmissions of the matches. Why? To ensure that they have a monopoly on coverage here, of course. What’s critical to note, though, is that this almost certainly has nothing to do with Croatian viewers. Croatians account for less than 2% of the population here. What the broadcasters are worried about are Slovenes — many of whom may have preferred watching Croatian coverage of the matches. Was this a shitty thing to do? Perhaps. But it was also perfectly understandable and, frankly, par for course. But here’s where things take a turn for the worse.

3) In a fit of rage, the Association of Croatian Societies in Slovenia sues the cable operators, claiming “discrimination” and the kind of deep “psychological pain” that only 1.6 million euros can make right again.

And that’s where the story is right now. It’s the “psychological pain” part that irks me most, not only because I was hoping I’d left that kind of nonsense behind in the U.S., but also because it’s almost offensively ridiculous. In fact, you could say that this lawsuit is causing me psychological pain. And it’s deep… Like €50-million deep.

First of all, it’s not like they were hog-tied, caged and prohibited from watching World Cup matches. They just had to watch them in the language of the country where they currently live. And they didn’t even have to do that. I mean, let’s imagine for a second that you’re the type of fanatic nutter who absolutely HAS to see a match broadcast in your native tongue. If you don’t see matches with a familiar voice explaining that you just saw a goal being scored, or a pass being made, you become traumatized. That might be difficult for you to imagine, especially since those kind of people probably belong in a mental hospital, but try to imagine it anyway. You HAVE to see the game in your mother tongue or else, mental schism. If this is the case: Why not just drive to Croatia to watch the goddamn matches? The distance is less than the average New Jersey-New York City commute. Hell, they were showing them for free on big screens in Zagreb, if I recall correctly. Or go to Germany? I mean, it’s not like anyone was working during the time anyway.

Or how about this: tuning into Croatian radio while watching the match on TV? I know a lot of people who do this. What about that? My point is that there were options. Lots of ‘em. It’s not like me and Taco Bell, where traveling 1,000 kilometers in any direction just leaves me standing there, a poor fool, just as wise as formerly.

And I don’t want to sound insensitive or anything. I mean, I know firsthand that it’s difficult being a foreigner, and that maintaining a connection with your country of origin is important. I’m guilty of doing plenty of crazy, stupid things to keep up this connection, like going to Austria to get Dr. Pepper, or praying every night for the Good Lord to deliver a Taco Bell unto Ljubljana, so that I may rejoice and gnash chicken soft tacos with mine teeth. But at some point you have to decide if something is a deal-breaker or not, if something that’s missing here is going to cause you “psychological pain” worth millions of tolars, or not. In short, you have to adjust. You have to recognize those things that are inconveniences or annoyances, and work around them — not clog up the courts with monkey shit like this.

As for the legal implications: They may actually have an argument of sorts. You could argue that people (myself included) paid for a television package with HTV, and that we were denied this during World Cup matches. Then again, if withholding service or not delivering an expected service are crimes, I know a lot of Slovenian companies that should be sued. Really a lot.

In short, I suppose I can understand (although not sympathize with) the black out as a “breach of contract.” But all this “mental pain” garbage needs to be reserved for moments when it really applies.