- Michael M.: Too much going on. Life in flux, etc..
- Sunshine: Wow, I was soooo happy to see a new post in my rss reader. I was hopping this is already the comeback! :(...
- gandalf: Did you only get caffeine through Dr.p or did you drink coffee as well? I’m interested, since...
- neeka: nine kilos… wow… :) happy holidays to you, michael, and to all your loved ones! veronica
- m: It was a bargain. No strings attached.
Ljubljana, Slovenia.
Maribor, Slovenia.
Portoroz, Slovenia.
• AlienMelon
• Burger.si
• Heck
• Izklop
• si.blogs
• Sloblogi
• Blogorola
• Natalija Verboten
The share price of Carniola.org – really.
Dear Shareholders and Readers:
The Glory of Carniola had a strong fiscal 2005, with an increased growth in both readership and feed subscriptions. Despite the sluggish tech economy, overall revenues at carniola.org remained stable at $0.00 per annum. We believe this trend will continue and that carniola.org will remain a rock of stability in the ongoing sea of chaos.
Giving Thanks
The board of directors would like to thank Michael M. in particular for his tireless efforts in making Slovenian idiosyncrasies available to the global market every week. His 500 posts-to-date are a valuable contribution to our company and have helped strengthen our brand. We salute his efforts at providing fresh Slovenia-related goodness for a reasonable price and wish him continued success.
Not Losing Sight of the Bottom Line
And yet, we also want to stress that the recent downturn in Carniola’s share value has caused us deep concern. We take the financial health of this website very seriously. And we recognize that there are some serious problems that need to be resolved before we can move ahead.
We note, for example, that other Slovenian blogs, such as BeeBee Inc., have doubled Mr. M’s output in roughly the same amount of time. We also note that the competition is growing by the day.
Respecting the Wishes of our Customers
And yet it seems that Mr. M is posting things that are radically different from what incoming Google searches are telling us that people actually want. This vast discrepancy can no longer be ignored. The top search referrals to this site are for things like: Atomik Harmonik, Severina, Natalija Verboten et al. They alone have brought us thousands of hits: Why hasn’t Mr. M. posted more about them? He hasn’t even mentioned the first two in more than a year, and his posts about Ms. Verboten have tapered off drastically in recent months.
A Case in Point
We note, for example, that the Serbian turbo-folk singer Ceca recently performed in Celje. Numerous studies have shown that simply posting a picture of Ceca and writing something about her breasts would result in a stampede of traffic. Why did Mr. M. fail to do so? Why didn’t he simply write something like: "Hey folks, check this out!" or, if he wanted to be more specific: "Hey everyone, check out this picture of Ceca’s upper ventral region, and in particular, all the adipose tissue supplemented by excessive amounts of silicone."
Mr. M’s failure to do so has caused our confidence in him to drop visibly. And our faith in his business acumen has also sagged dramatically. We’re worried that this company will fall into a very deep and serious crevice unless something is done.
Suggestions for a Solution
The question that now pops out unmistakably and demands our attention is this: Will The Glory of Carniola manage to nip these problems in the bud or not? And if we don’t start nipping soon, will it be too late?
The key, we believe, is focus. We need to stay focused on the major issues before us. Sometimes the truth is ugly, and confronting it can be frightening and overwhelming, but it is necessary. We must not flinch. It’s a harsh and violent world out there. Only after we have all accepted this can the company advance to the inflated heights it deserves.
We thank you for your full confidence in carniola.org and hope you will stay with us in the future.
– Board of Directors, The Glory of Carniola
Comments
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Hilarious! 1,000 bonus points!
Hehehehe, just don’t do anything stupid like following the demands of the Board :)))). Don’t change - if all change was for the best, why put it to the test?
Dear Board of Directors As a shareholder, I have an
official request. I demand that the Board take into consideration
taking up mr. Miha Ma?ek as senior web designer for The Glory of
Carniola. His excellent work on the Atomik Harmonik official site (also
seen on such exquisit sites as the Turbo Angels official site and the Bepop official site)
express a great deal of self-irony and true mastership mirrored in his
hallmark kitschy adult-site like design. I believe he would be a
welcome addition to the staff and would give this site more of the
so-called "pep".Yours truly, Cornelius
Yes, but Seve’s gone upmarket since then (last seen on stage in a Krleza play and something else about WW2), so I think you’ll have to account for her as a depreciated asset…
So when’s the stockholder meeting and who’s responsible for the voting chads?Most importantly, who’s catering?
Man, that was awesome. You are the double entendre meister.
Do you know, I thought it was Natalia Verbotten before I read the post and my first reaction was "Et tu, Biatch!" when I noticed her assets weren’t gen-u-wine. Sigh of relief!Congrats on reaching your 500! I hate you for mastering the delicate balance of quality AND quantity.
Why do these phrases sound so familiar to me … *sigh*
btw - are you employed by yourself or have you reduced the headcount by being leasing staff?
The Board failed to as per legal requirement to send me a letter
with the ballot or a proxy enclosed, or location of the meeting and yes
they neglected to inform me of catering arrangements as well. I am
rather disappointed.
We will definitely implement the proposal of Cornelius and are delighted that our shareholders understand the critical value of pep. We’ve also started looking into automating the entire site. We have learned that it’s possible for so-called "computers" to produce so-called "scripts" which could automatically update the site almost continuously, making Mr. M. redundant. Under this new plan, a day’s post would say: "HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT SLOVENIA IS REALLY <adjective>?" whereby the adjective is automatically changed every day. In other words: fresh original content, daily, for a fraction of the cost. We’re also excited about novala’s idea and are exploring the possibility of hiring temps to do everything else surrounding the site. Ideally, they would work temporarily for us for 50 years, during which time we don’t pay any of their benefits but demand they work long and brutal hours.We also understand and appreciate the concerns of two of our major shareholds, Darko and Katja, regarding catering. When it comes to upper management and our shareholders, we believe that no expense should be spared. We can’t reveal all the details right now, but we will say that Belgian chocolatier Pierre Marcolini will carve a lifesize statue of Natalija Verboten for dessert. And the main course will be so deliciously extravagant that we’ve already started firing low-level employees to help fund it.Looking forward to seeing you all there.
To the Board of Directors:I concur with your excellent paln, specifically the contracting of the choclate molding services of Pierre Marcolini.
Natalja, the chocalte version, is a temptation that is indescribable,
save for possibly by one of the broad members, so to speak. The chocalate replica of Ms. Verboten?
Will it be hollow or solid? Need to know at your earliest
convenience such that I’ll be wearing the proper dentures for the
nibbling.Your funding scheme truly shows your financial
colors. Myself, I’m always caught between killing off the
hoi-polloi or severing the riff-raff. It’s a decision best left
to Solomons like yourself.Respectfully, a shareholder.
Dear Board of Directors, We have a thought on the chocolate thing,
how about a hollow chocolate replica of Natalija Verboten as Eve
with Goran Visnijc as Adam, filled with some nice cherry filling for
Natailija Verboden and some nice Brandy for Goran Visnjic?THe
meal must include prscut someplace in the menu! and Radenska voda must
be served as well as some nice Slovenian wines, there are lovely wines
there and I know about the TRUFFLES! Do not omit the truffles please!Respectfully Katja