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An HLX plane in Celovec. (Klagenfurt)
Sorry
for the long silence. It’s been a bit awful over here. As
some of you know, my mother passed away recently after a year-long
struggle with cancer. I’m still having trouble accepting that it
happened. Not only was she still young, but she was also the healthiest
member of our family and universally acknowledged as the kindest and
most loving. In short, if anyone in our family could
have expected (or even openly deserved) to live to 100, it was her.
Instead, she was diagnosed
with
cancer about a year ago, and after a determined and dignified fight,
died at the age of 57 — two whole decades below the average
European life expectancy. All ten of the
world’s ten worst dictators,
as recently picked by Parade,
have lived longer than she did. Not to mention Charles Manson, Dennis
Nilsen, Josef
Mengele, and plenty of other people whose sole achievement in life was
killing many people and trying to conjure up hell on earth.
But life, as they say, isn’t fair. In fact, it sometimes seems
to go out of its way to be unfair.
After her death, I flew back from Hamburg (my mother’s birthplace) to Klagenfurt in Austria with the budget airline hlx.
With my thoughts already preoccupied with death, it didn’t help that
the flight started wobbling and dipping over the Alps to a point that
passengers were getting visibly nervous. It’s usually rough flying
over the Alps, but this time was worse than anything I’ve ever
experienced. One drop was so sudden and deep that people
screamed, and the young girl sitting next to me started crying and
telling her father "I want to get off, I want to get off!"
At this
point, my feet and fingers started feeling numb and I started imagining
that I was about to die an ironic and fiery death. The father tried
to reassure his daughter that it was only turbulence and that it was
normal, but if anyone should have been reassuring her (and us) it was
the captain — and he remained silent. That was the worst part, of
course. I mean, the guy came over the intercom when we were flying over
Munich to tell us that we were flying over Munich. "But it’s cloudy
right now so you can’t see anything," he helpfully informed us. And
yet, when people start screaming and the plane begins wobbling, he
couldn’t be
bothered to say anything — leaving us all to imagine him struggling so
violently with the controls that he couldn’t spare a single finger for
the
intercom.
We landed a little while later, roughly, but
intact. I got off the plane nauseous and exhausted, but at the same
time exceedingly grateful to be alive. One of my mother’s final
messages was to cherish your time here, and I innerly vowed to do
everything I
could to follow this piece of advice from her, which is at once so
obvious and yet so painfully difficult to implement. I will do my best.
Her
funeral is next week, so I won’t be posting here until after that. I
don’t know when exactly, but I hope you’ll be patient with me.
Thanks to all
of you who e-mailed me your concern and condolences. I appreciate it.
Comments
Comments for this post are closed.
I’m sorry to hear about your mother. I have yet to face the idea…
my aunt was diagnosed with inoperable cancer yesterday and I don’t
really know how to respond to that when I see her later today.
The Specials said it best - Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.
Welcome back! We missed you a lot. Don’t worry about Carniola and its tribe. We’ll be alright, looking after it, patiently waiting for your soul to recover.Take a good care of you and your family.Thinking of you.
I’m very sorry about your mother…
Life is so very unfair, at the bottom. I’m so sorry…
my condolences!
Please accept my belated condolences. I’m so very
sorry about your best-of-the-best mother’s passing. My prayers
are with you in the coming weeks.
Sorry to hear it was your mother, my prayers also with you in these moments.
I’m sory for your loss, Michael.
I’m really sorry for your loss. My mom died about 9 years ago, and
it was hard soemetimes. There’s times still when something totally cool
happens and I want to share it with her,and she’s not there, then
there’s times I’m almost grateful she didn’t live to see certain
things, like the Sept 11 attacks and the war in Iraq. She
was young, and I can’t help agreeing with you about this
one, I’d like to trade some of these damn dictators for her, or
for my own mother. That part tries my faith sometimes so I totally hear where you are comeing from. Again I am really sorry for your loss.
My condolences on your mothers passing.Splendid to see you back, though.
My sincere condolences, Michael. So sorry to hear.
Michael,Good to see you back, and don’t worry about Carniola. It’s grown up enough to take care after itself on its own.As
to the subject at hand… can’t tell you more than what the rest
already said. I will add, though, that I firmly believe that everything
happens for a reason, even losing close family members, as hard as it
is, and as powerless as you feel afterwards. Everything makes you
grow… especially hard things such as this. But if you believe in God
(regardless of denominations), and you know It/Him/Her to be Good, then
life becomes suddenly easier and more enjoyable.Sorry if I sound
preachy or too goody-jolly-optimistic in these dark times, but that’s
how I make it through the day. Anyway, I send you my sincere, heartfelt
condolences.
Dear Mike, Let me add my condolences to all the others. I am very sorry to hear about your loss, and I know it must be especially hard for you because it came so suddenly and your mother was still so young. Life sadly is not fair, though it can be beautiful nevertheless, as your mother’s love obviously showed and as your memory of her always will be. I wish you strength and light in these dark days.
I saw this yesterday and tried to write something. I don’t know what to say, though. My thoughts are with you.
I was just passing through and spent some time reading.Until I got to your main page and read your sad news.I am so very sorry to hear about your mothers passing. Life is really unfair.Please accept heartfelt condolences from a complete stranger.
I am very very sorry to hear about your mother. I will not pretend that I can say anything that can be of any help to you now, I’d just like to wish you to be strong and to see beyond these dark, cloudy days, into times when you can start living and feeling again without hurting too much. And maybe than you’ll discover that your mother never really left you and that you can find her in mild sunny days, in light summer breeze, in stars on the night sky, in every beautiful thing that comes into your life…For now – keep hoping. Hope is the thing with feathersThat perches in the soul.And sings the tuneWithout the words,and never stops at all. (Emily Dickinson)
moje sozalje ob smrti vase materedanijel
Michael,I am sorry to hear about your Mother. Please
accept my heartfelt condolences. Take the time you need to spend
with your family. My thoughts are with you and your loved ones.
Hold on to what is good, even if it’s a handfull of earth.Hold on to what you belive, even if it’s a tree that stands by itself.Hold on to what you must do, even if it’s a long way from here.Hold on to your life, even if it’s easier to let go.Hold on to my hand, even if I’ve gone away from you… A Pueblo Indian prayer I’m so sorry for your loss.
There is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness.-Pearl S. BuckThinking of you…
You have my condolences.
Sorry for your loss. Hope you and your family feel comfort in your time of need.
My condolences. Take care.
Just remember her last words. you never know when life’s gonna end.
So live every minute of it to the fullest. Be a nice person, help
people around you to achive more, fight for the things you value, and
spend less time on the computer :) On this part… my condolences. Life goes on.
Primi moje sauÄ?ešće. (My condolences).
My condolences; you’ve had a terrible loss and you’re right to be shocked. Right after the "storm of the century," in October 2002, my wife and I landed in Amsterdam after a descent so rough that the moment the plane landed the passengers burst into applause.
Michael,So sorry to hear about your loss. Your GOC tribe will be here when you return. Take your time.
my condolences…I had to go through this a few years ago and
I understand your pain. My mother was not even 50… and she was a very
good person… But she went away. Cancer. I didn’t even have the chance
to say goodbye…, she didn’t want me to… I don’t know why she had to
go that early.I belive that there was some greater meaning in
her leaving. That’s helping me to accept her absence…, …and I
carry her footprints in my mind.I am sorry for your loss.
I’ve nothing to add to all that’s already been said. But hang in there.
My heartfelt thanks to everyone..