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Ljubljana, Slovenia.
Maribor, Slovenia.
Portoroz, Slovenia.
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• Natalija Verboten
The city of Pag, on the island of Pag.
I’m back from Hotel Pagus, which is a fine little hotel in the city of Pag, on the island of Pag. I’m a bit knackered, so I’ll just offer some quick thoughts in no particular order:
1)
I didn’t get thrown out of the water by a shark, but I did get attacked
by something that qualifies as marine life: a crab. It was a small one
(not like this one,
thankfully)
so I just felt a pinch and noticed something transparent scuttling
around in the water. You have to admire a crab’s guts, or at least their gonopores,
for attacking something that is 40 times their size. I mean, if
something the size of a football field smashed its foot down next to me, my
first reaction wouldn’t be to punch it in
the ankle. But these little crabs have apparently made a habit of fearlessly attacking.
At this particular beach, they pinched feet at regular intervals — to the
surprise of all us unsuspecting tourists.
2) Don’t ever drive in or out of Croatia on a
summer weekend. I’ll repeat myself, at the risk of being rude, and even
bold it for anyone out there who is as foolhardy as I am: Don’t drive
in or out of Croatia on a summer weekend!
It took us nine hours to cover roughly 350
kilometers (217 miles). That’s an average speed of 38 km/h (or 25
mph) — despite driving almost entirely on highways that are brand spanking new.
So much for worrying about speed traps. I should also include Slovenia in that warning, though, since the whole section
from the border crossing Gruškovje up to Austria was clogged thick.
3) This will probably come back to haunt me, but KarlovaÄ?ko (whose official site has background music suspiciously similar to a popular Gorillaz song)
is a very refreshing beer and, God forgive me, tastes better than its
Slovenian rivals. Perhaps the horrible heat intensified my thirst and
thus unfairly affected my ability to judge. But I still treasured its
company. If that makes you angry, well, take comfort in the fact that
some future employer will probably stumble upon these words and revenge will be yours.
Prospective Employer: Before we sign this contract and welcome you as chief wardrobe manager of the Natalija Verboten
World Tour 2006, I just need to ask you one more question.
Michael M.: Go ahead, shoot.
PE: Well, we recently
stumbled upon a site, apparently yours, in which you mention something
about liking
Croatian beer more than ours? Something about it being refreshing?
We’re not sure exactly what you meant. Could you clarify what you meant?
MM: Well, I was–
PE: You’re fired.
MM: Wait, we haven’t even signed the contract yet.
PE: Okay, sign right here.
MM: (signs)
PE: Now you’re fired.
MM: Noooooooo!
Comments
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Ooooh, now you’ve put your foot in it! Forget the little crab, we’re talking beer now.The
only way you could have made your situation worse would have been by
writing about all the hotties at the beach and then your wife would
give you even more hell.I have tasted Karlovacko before and it
tastes like ass. Unless they have changed something since then. I am a
Ljubljancan but will gladly drink Lasko. However, Karlovacko just
tastes shitty to me. Seriously, no nationalism involved. Ozujsko is
better, but still not as good as Union or Lasko IMHO.
Umm, maybe it’s your american preference for watered down beer
that got the best of you? Did you have sex in a boat? Drinking
Karlovacko is similar… fucking close to water, he he. Now I will get
flamed for telling the oldest joke ever.
Oh no, you didn’t say that. ;-)I mean about a beer. You know what I mean. ;-) You
could have at least poot a footnote there saying you got that opinon
after sizzling on sun for 13 hours and walking another one to a place
where all they had is Karlovacko, and your opinion might be at least a
bit subjective after that. ;-)Ah well- even "Oohh… My head" site (ohhh.myhead.org/ctrindex.html) agrees with me- so - there.
Oh dear, those patriotic feelings
We could have a huge beer bottle at Tromostovje instead of Prešeren 
But you know, after you’ve had American beer, everything tastes good for the rest of your life… :)I’m serious.
KarlovaÄ?ko is pretty watery, but I couldn’t imagine drinking anything
heavier in +30 degrees Celsius. I should add that I’m not a big beer
drinker to begin with, and that there were times when I would have
gladly had a glass of turpentine to cool myself down. Pag can get pretty sweltering in
the afternoon — enough to make German tourists hallucinate about UFOs and stuff…
Croatian beer… I can hardly imagine what it must be like, but I can say that drinking Union all of last week (and fresh orange juice at the juice bar on Presernov Trg, of course) won’t have me pining for any Croatian beery ‘goodness’ (apparently) any time soon. Then again, when getting back to Belgium I struck up my old love with Duvel again. And some people (of the female persuasion) who visit this blog also know the heavenly sensation one’s taste buds undergo when drinking Lindemans Cherry Beer. Yeah, in some way, I feel privileged living in a country that easily spawns 300+ different beers :-P. Still, Union is the way to go for me when in Slovenija. And it looks as if I’ll have to get used to doing that regularly some time soon. By the way, JS, American… beer? Real beer? Are you serious? Next thing you know, even Heineken will brew something that tastes as good and looks like the real thing :-D…
P.S. : Now I’m back here (sadly enough), I’ll make a point of passing on your greetings to Your Man In Brussels :-P…
P.P.S : Glad to see you’re back, Michael. Hope you had a nice holiday, aside from the error in beer judgment ;-). And happy 4th of July, of course, if you’re still celebrating that…
That biting crab gig? My understanding is that most of the
Dalmatian male dancing/romancing/moving style is based on that very
step you and your fellow toursits carried out involuntarliy. Next
time you’re in Split, check out the testosteroned natives skeedaddling
side to side from one female tourist to another. Little
pinch. Little jump. Little kiss. Then
skeedaddle sideways to another unsuspecting woamn.
At least drive at night/early in the morning/very late in the evening,
if you have to drive on weekend in summer (actually you should drive at
such time of a day any day in summer).
I have to get me some of that Lindemans Cherry Beer … I cannot drink our awful American beer …In Slovenija, Radler is my favorite. Anyone else here like it?
There is a good beer from the States, it’s called Grant’s it they are a microbrewery in the Yakima Gulag. Speaking
of Belgium, anyone tried Lembek? damn that stuff is good! sort of a
Medieval wine cooler only BETTER infinately better! it’s full of
raspberry goodness.
If you get bit by a crab they don’t just let go, they will always
let go if you go to water and put the limb with the crab attached into
the water. Crabs eat EVEYTHING so it’s not bravery they just are wired
to bite whatever is there includeing other crabs.
Ok, this is a bit of a late comment now. I doubt anybody’s still looking at this post, but I’m catching up on what I missed after a few weeks in Slovenia.
“That’s an average speed of 38 km/h (or 25 mph) — despite driving almost entirely on highways that are brand spanking new”
I think the key here is: stay off the highways! A couple of weeks ago (on a Saturday), I (well, I was a passenger anyway) drove from Ljubljana to Bosnia via Karlovac, and it took us only four hours to the Bosnian border. Sure, the old roads in Croatia are crap compared to the ones in Slovenia, but it still beats going on the crowded and dead boring highways. A related tip though: make sure to fill up your tank before entering Croatia! For some reason, the Slovene gas is better. Any ideas as to why? (ok, my friends’ car broke down in Bosnia once because of watered down gas, but I doubt that’s common in Croatia)