Archives for July 4th, 2005

The city of Pag, on the island of Pag.

I’m back from Hotel Pagus, which is a fine little hotel in the city of Pag, on the island of Pag. I’m a bit knackered, so I’ll just offer some quick thoughts in no particular order:

1)
I didn’t get thrown out of the water by a shark, but I did get attacked
by something that qualifies as marine life: a crab. It was a small one
(not like this one,
thankfully)
so I just felt a pinch and noticed something transparent scuttling
around in the water. You have to admire a crab’s guts, or at least their gonopores,
for attacking something that is 40 times their size. I mean, if
something the size of a football field smashed its foot down next to me, my
first reaction wouldn’t be to punch it in
the ankle. But these little crabs have apparently made a habit of fearlessly attacking.
At this particular beach, they pinched feet at regular intervals — to the
surprise of all us unsuspecting tourists.

2) Don’t ever drive in or out of Croatia on a
summer weekend. I’ll repeat myself, at the risk of being rude, and even
bold it for anyone out there who is as foolhardy as I am: Don’t drive
in or out of Croatia on a summer weekend!
It took us nine hours to cover roughly 350
kilometers (217 miles). That’s an average speed of 38 km/h (or 25
mph) — despite driving almost entirely on highways that are brand spanking new.
So much for worrying about speed traps. I should also include Slovenia in that warning, though, since the whole section
from the border crossing Gruškovje up to Austria was clogged thick.

3) This will probably come back to haunt me, but KarlovaÄ?ko (whose official site has background music suspiciously similar to a popular Gorillaz song)
is a very refreshing beer and, God forgive me, tastes better than its
Slovenian rivals. Perhaps the horrible heat intensified my thirst and
thus unfairly affected my ability to judge. But I still treasured its
company. If that makes you angry, well, take comfort in the fact that
some future employer will probably stumble upon these words and revenge will be yours.

Prospective Employer: Before we sign this contract and welcome you as chief wardrobe manager of the Natalija Verboten
World Tour 2006, I just need to ask you one more question.
Michael M.: Go ahead, shoot.
PE: Well, we recently
stumbled upon a site, apparently yours, in which you mention something
about liking
Croatian beer more than ours? Something about it being refreshing?
We’re not sure exactly what you meant. Could you clarify what you meant?
MM: Well, I was–
PE: You’re fired.
MM: Wait, we haven’t even signed the contract yet.
PE: Okay, sign right here.
MM: (signs)
PE: Now you’re fired.
MM: Noooooooo!