Archives for June 11th, 2004

The Slovenian language is notoriously difficult and brutal. One bonus is that it’s usually phonetic, like Serbian, so the words are read the way they are written.

I say "usually" because sometimes a slight difference in intonation creates a completely different word. And sometimes one word is clean, while the other word is not. And sometimes foreigners, such as myself, mix them up and embarass themselves. Here are the ones to watch out for — the five most dangerous Slovenian words:

ZAHOD : means "west" in Slovene
ZAHOD : means "toilet" in Serbian

ZADOVOLJEN : means "to be satisfied"
ZADOVOLJEN : means (almost always) "to be sexually satisfied." I still make this mistake on a regular basis.

POSESTNICA : means "a female landowner"
POCESTNICA : means "hooker."

ZAPRT : means "closed"
ZAPRT : also means "constipated," which I learned after trying to ask a waitress if her cafe was closed, but instead ended up asking her if she was constipated. (Ali si zaprta?)

KAKAV : means "hot chocolate"
KAKAL : means "to crap." In Slovene, endings in "v" or "l" are usually pronounced "ow." So, Jaz bom kakav and Jaz bom kakal sound dangerously similar, except that one means "I’ll have a cocoa" and the other means "I will take a dump." This can be made infinitely worse if adjectives like "large," "steaming-hot" or "creamy" are employed…